i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
