My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
How's work?
Spinning.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
