Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
