so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Success! We fucked roommates!
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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