i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
