Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
