i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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