i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
