Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
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