When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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