69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
