So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
