You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
