That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
