i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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