She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
