thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
