I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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