You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
