Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Can vaginas get frostbite?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
