i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
