You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
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