Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
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Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
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Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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