Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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