We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
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Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
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Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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