He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
