this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
