why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize
