There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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