I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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