just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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