Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
