dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
