we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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