had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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