elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
