What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
