We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
