pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm too high and old for this...
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
