Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
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