I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
