3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
being pregnant is like rehab
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
