The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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