$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
