I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
