It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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