I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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