Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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