did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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