That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
