No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
