i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
