take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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