8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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