chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize