Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
