Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
my shit smells like andre
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
