Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
