Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
