He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
