Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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