I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize