I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
