flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Randomize