I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize