her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
