see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
21 Times Karma Showed These People Not to Mess Around
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.