I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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