You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
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I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
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You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important