he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls