Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
