its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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