Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
