how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
