Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
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