we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
