dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Randomize
