i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Dignity is for republicans.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
